I know I do a lot of annoying things. I know I have a lot of bad habits. I couldn't help thinking today, looking at my messy house and reviewing my unorganized life, that maybe if I got things more in order maybe I could ward off my husbands attacks or at least lessen them. I know it would lessen them but then I guess feel like that wouldn't feel much like a life to me always struggling to do what someone else finds important. But then again, maybe he is the catalyst that I need to improve myself. I don't particularly like these things about myself either.
I laid in bed this morning feeling lazy and dreamy and I knew I shouldn't have. I had a feeling that the dogs were going to do something bad and that I should get up but usually husband takes them for a walk in the morning. However, I knew I should have gotten up. So instead of getting up to take the dogs out even though I wanted to stay in bed...instead I had to deal with the fact that the little dog got upstairs where he doesn't belong and the big dog was mad and went to the bathroom on the floor. This sent my husband a furry that sent him BEATING the dog and made me protect him which made him mad, saying that I cared more for the dog than for him. This sent him into an all day long depression which really sucks since it is Fathers day. I am so mad at myself for not getting up when I should have. I can't control his irrational behavior but I could have stopped the animals from acting up and thus prevented this attack.
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