Pretending Mode

I woke up this morning with yet another dull ache in my head and a strong ache in my heart. I knew I had to get up and make him breakfast, I knew it was now time to at least pretend that I wasn't mad any more. I knew that if I didn't it would just make things worse. I had the thought pattern that I would just pretend to feel like I did a week ago before the whole onslaught of fighting started. At that time I was feeling so totally in love with my husband and he responded by being extra loving back. That was until I did imperfect things that sent him into his rage. He doesn't even like himself when he is like this. He knows he is being a complete jackass but he can't seem to control it. So anyway this morning I just stated thinking that I just wanted to pretend. I wanted to pretend that I was back to feeling like everything was good and that he was a wonderful husband and all of that. Maybe if I pretended than I could get the benefits of him being nicer without having to put set myself up for being hurt when the illusion vanishes with another rage. If I am only pretending, then it would really hurt so bad when the reality of the situation comes into light. But if I actually let myself feel again....well that just hurts too bad. I was thinking all of this and then I read my horoscope:
Monday, Jun 16th, 2008 -- It's an exciting day for you, but it may be hard to keep up with your own changing moods now that the Moon is back in your sign. Although the history lesson is over, you are still more interested in looking back than ahead. Be ready to let go of what you have acquired in your life so far. Then, create a personal ritual to help you declare a conscious boundary between the tension of the past and the magic of the present moment.

Hmmm...that sounds like a really good message and I need to think about what to do with it.